About Me

Monday, May 23, 2011

Tangents & Other Writings

Now, my students, I suppose you are wondering a few things.

First of all, you are most likely still wondering who I am and how I became who I am. These two questions I will answer in due time, through a long and drawn out process, which most would deem unnecessary and almost painful. I did inform you that I am a sadist, correct?

Secondly, perhaps it it has crossed your mind: What is this man's goals? What is he working for? WHO is he working for? Well, if you don't recall correctly my main goal is to educate the populace. You twisted little creatures with your ideologies and thought processes... Oh how I'd love it if you were all more like me. You should try and set a personal goal for yourself so that by the end of the week I can see your gleaming face on the evening news followed by the headliner "A tragic massacre". Or, if you are too cowardly to risk the death penalty, perhaps you could take a more subtle approach and kidnap your neighbors or your distant relatives. Send me pictures, please! I'd like to admire the work of my students.

As for WHO I am working for, you already know the answer. Take a moment and think. What came to mind? I'd like to know. Did it scare you? If so, you may be on the right track to discovering who my employer is.

I won't ask for your forgiveness if my writings seem filled with tangents. Someone once told me I had the attention span of a toddler who suffers from extreme A.D.H.D and has just devoured a candy store. I cut out his tongue, coated it in chocolate and fed it to his mother. Then, I donated the rest of him to a friend of mine who is researching cannibalism, and the effects of rabid hunger on depraved children. He sent me a recording, it was truly fascinating work.

To summarize the point of that story: Conserve resources. One victim's body can provide countless hours of entertainment. Now, I have a delightful home video of children devouring the man's limp, lifeless body. Oh, and the man was my despicable brother-in-law. Did I forget to inform you of that earlier? My bad.


My next post will be concerning the Shady Lady. I will be providing details on how I have been working with her  for the past few days to make some... conclusions...

Till then,

1 comment:

  1. Yes, it is about time you begin to tell everyone your shifts during the time our guest was here. As well I look forward to reading further on what goes on in that creative head of yours, Advocate.