Love Is The Surest Sign Of Insanity

Off a highway, down a driveway... Limeport Asylum, ladies and gents! Just another building to bust into... Locked away and concealed, blocked off to the average Joe who might possibly stumble across it...

Hehe I swear, they practically invited me in.

Hey Josh, are you upset that I didn't keep away from the happy house?

Well, how should I put this...?

 I DO WHAT I WANT, JOSHUA.

If that upsets you, kiddo... Hehe you can go march around Jericho or something. ;)

In all seriousness though, I do believe that it is, in fact, story time. So grab your reading glasses and your radiation suit so that we can get this post kicked off!

Marked by moonlight, I nonchalantly approached the front entrance of the asylum. The atmosphere of a glowing midnight was deceptively calm. Before arriving, I had considered how I would make my entrance and I decided that the building's security would mostly respond irrationally (Hehe or completely rationally) to an anonymous masked figure appearing from the darkness during the graveyard shift... So, logically, I wore the charming little thing with pride! Satchel at my hip, I ventured into the shadows cast by the Asylum. I like satchels. They're handy! Hehehe.

Getting into the asylum itself was a little messier than I had anticipated, considering the fact that I sort of missed Visiting Hours, but hark, I got in eventually! I had to force a few locks open, dodge some cameras, work some chemical magic, crack a few skulls, and locate an item of interest before I could confidently strut the halls of Limeport. It was mildly challenging, but the hired meat working security presented little opposition  and my miracle recipes helped me to keep things covert and clean. Vanishing Act, Green-Light, Devil's Windex, and a few other special compounds of my own design kept things fresh as a DAISY! Hehehe.

Under other circumstances, I probably would have brought a jar of Party Potion with me to test out, but that recipe is certainly not a tool of subtlety.

Blah blah blah, what was I saying?

I was on my way to Shady's cell when I stumbled across a lone orderly pushing a cart down a dimly lit hallway and decided that now would be a GREAT time to practice my silent takedown. ;)

Pressing myself against the corner of a wall, I waited silently for the man to push the cart closer. He paused a few times as he approached the end of the corridor, and I impatiently wondered what was taking him so long.

Finally, I heard his cart rounding the corner and I pounced him. Meow, or something? Haha! I doubt the poor stack new what hit him! After slitting his throat once or twice, I contemplated throwing him on the cart and rolling him away with me. Maybe he would enjoy meeting Shady?

Hehe it just seemed fair that he would get to meet the woman who was partially to blame for his sudden death. Buuuuuuut, on second thought, three is a crowd and I wasn't really in the mood to share my fair Lady's attention...

Hey, not to mention that it would be kind of awkward introducing her to someone whose name I didn't even know. Decidedly, one-on-one time with my girl was the preferable option.

So, I shoved him in a nearby closet and stripped him of his uniform. You can never wear too many disguises in one night, boys and girls!

Dragging the cart along with me, I headed down the hall and began to hum idly. After about twenty minutes of navigating hallways, I arrived at my destination and pushed the cart through the door.

I'll be honest, I was surprised to find that Shady was awake and alert. She was secured to her bed, and her eyes were fixated on... a crack. Haha, what a fighter.

Her eyes never left the crack, despite the fact that I was wearing my trademark mask. She had noticed my entrance for sure, and she was definitely watching me from the corner of her eye, but she refused to look at me directly. The night was off to a glorious start!

I took a few moments to shuffle through some of the items that I had brought in with the cart, setting my personal satchel on the top of the miscellaneous articles. The room was surprisingly quiet, until I opened my satchel and spoke up.

"Darling, the crack's not gonna lose the staring contest. Trust me." I winked, amused. I shoved the cart against the wall, and bent at the waist in a slight bow. "Miss me?"

Shady looked me with a clearly bruised face, quiet for the moment. She attempted to lift her hand and wave, but was halted by the single restraint. "Hi." She said instead. "Come here often?"

"Not really," I responded as I began removing the orderly's uniform, "but, I think I might start visiting more. I like it." I tossed the uniform top on the cart and absentmindedly continued speaking, "Its VERY trendy. So what have you been up to lately? Doing much?" I nodded at the crack.

She lifted her free hand and pointed at her bruises before motioning to the room. "Scaring psychiatrists away, being abused by orderlies and nurses from the previous building. Waiting mainly." She shrugged lazily. "What about you, sweetie?"

What a snerk. Hehe. "Lots," I approached her bedside, "Hehe I've been partying all summer, ya know! It seems like there are never any challenges left in this little world of ours," Though, I contemplated, busting into insane asylums and prisons could be a fun new hobby, "it is amazing what somebody can do with enough funding,"

I examined her sheets before continuing, and smirked at the crack she had been fixated upon, "I'm planning Fright Night 2012. Hehe I've got lots of new tricks planned for all of my guests..."

I tilted my head, watching my vulnerable love interest.

"But no spoilers," I whispered, "You'll have to wait and see for yourself, like everybody else who is coming! Hey, don't ya read my blog anymore, Dove?" I giggled, imagining Shady with a beak... Hehe or even better, a bird with Shady's face! HA!

She twitched, and hissed, "Don't call me that," before calming instantly, as if a switch was simply flipped. "Exciting. But do you honestly think they allow me near any machines here? Oh no, no, no. They keep me locked up good and tight because they remember what happens when they don't." She smiled a moment at the crack, and I wondered what words of wisdom it was offering. Her attention was back to me, "How's your master, pet? Still riding your ass?"

I huffed, and then released a loud guttural laugh. "Ooooh, feisty. I guess being chained down gets you feeling extra spicy? Hohoho," I reached out with my foot, hooking the cart with it, and pulled it closer to the bed. I snatched my satchel from it.

"OH NO, not at all! After Doc visited, Thuggee and I had a very solid chat about our previous contract. Too many formalities and details to discuss, you wouldn't find it interesting. Long story short," I shuffled through my bag, grabbing a vial of the Venus Serum, "He gave me full control over this host body! Step one to world domination, complete!"

I nonchalantly removed my mask, and smiled. I held the sum of my identity, TheAdvocate, in my hand. "Familiar face, babe?" I winked. Hehe.

Her brow lifted. I bet the sudden reveal caught her off guard, despite her already knowing the truth about my identity. "So he's not inside you anymore?" She asked, and I could tell she was trying not to smirk at her wording. She's such an adorable little pervert.

Shady glanced at the vial in my hand, frowning before returning her gaze to my face. "Very familiar, clever boy. Is Proctor alright?" She asked, idly fiddling with her cuffed wrist. Psh, after all that I did to visit her, she can't get her mind off of Black.

A little peeved by her distracted nature, I passed the vial back and forth from hand to hand. "Oh yes, he's just dandy. In fact, he and I came to a bit of an agreement as well!" I lifted the vial to eye level and scrutinized the mixture. "Black, by the way," I was momentarily caught up in admiring my long-prepared potion.

I refocused on the Lady and leaned into her "personal space" (Hehe what is proximity, eh?), and smiled. Hehe the other guy sure knows how to take care of his teeth, I'll admit that... I've got some fiiiiiiiine pearly whites! Thanks, Black... Or Thuggly... Whichever did the most flossing...

"Hey, how would you feel if I put something inside you," I giggled, adding a wink to further the joke.

Shady responded by frowning at the vial in my hand, watching me as I moved it around. "Whatever is in that you better keep away from me." She warned, tempting me. She straightened herself, and became defense. "By stupid body doesn't need anymore abuse. Especially your concoctions!" The girl hissed, prying at the strap. Not very Lady like at all!

"So put that way, and we'll have a nice chat instead, hon." Oooh, so tempting...

Another day, another dosing. I pouted comically, "Aw boo boo, this little mix ain't gonna do you no harm! I was just thinking we might need something to, you know, lighten the mood." I started humming a song that I... I think it was romantic? I'm not sure. No, maybe not romantic...

Oh well, carpe diem. You only live once. Or something like that. Hehe. I took a seat by Shady's legs.

"Why are you so angsty, beautiful?" I smirked, and began massaging her feet. "Tell me EVERYTHING... Hehe..."

Shady eyed me suspiciously, like some kind of purple-ish crocodile, "This is weird." She bluntly stated, sounding quite childish but she didn't seem to care. "You know how messed up it is, walking in here and getting your face all naked like that for the first time. While I'm in here for being mentally unstable." She wagged her finger in my direction, disapprovingly, "Not cool, honey. My crazy has a thing for your crazy, and right now I'm full of crazy. You're just using it to your advantage here." She chuckled.

I felt charm bark at my doghouse and the doorbell rang. Ding dong, the witch is dead.

I rolled off the bed and onto the floor, smiling like a devil. My inner estranged hamster rolled me across the floor the length of the bed, and I popped up onto my knees near her face.

"Hehe, whatever you just said... I like it." I leaned into her and kissed her. C4 detonated in the back of my mind, and all of the little children started running in terror as a building collapsed. It was like a waltz, really.

I smiled coyly without removing my lips from hers, and she seemed to hesitate for a moment. Then, she returned my kiss briefly and pulled away. My mind flashed back to last year's fright night. Full circle.

"You know how messed up it is when a lunatic -- You -- visits and its more normal than when my brother does?" She grinned, obviously having enjoying my flavor, she leaned against my forehead for a moment. "Fucked up how you're the only normal thing. Familiar. Welcomed." She straightened up again as another switch seemed to flip in her brain. "But seriously, why are you here?"

I laughed, amused. I could imagine an eco-friendly light bulb appearing above her head. I could feel my eyes turn warm as a my words slipped out in a mischievous tone. "I was missing you, darling. Its been faaaaaar too long."

You know, I had been sneaking around all day, so I felt like I had the right to have a little bit of fun with theatrics...

I shot to my feet, and put on my best mock New York accent. "So I says to myself, ya know what I says? I should visit that dame before my heart explodes," I clutched my chest dramatically.

"I just couldn't help myself," I added in a harmonic voice, practically singing to her, "I'm tired of all these barriers being between us!" I tapped the wall, winking.

"So I thought to myself," I stood up and grabbed my satchel from the cart, "Why don't we do a little tango out of here, ya?" I removed a key out of the bag and gave her my most innocent smile. The item of interest that I had struggled to locate. The master key to the Lemonport Asylum. Shady hadn't bothered to conceal her amusement as I switched up my act, and performed various roles. Her chin was resting in her palm, and she was propped on her leg as she watched. She was curious, and as soon as the key appeared her eyes latched to it.

"Isn't it fitting that we shared our first real kiss in an asylum?" I contemplated aloud, clutching the key. Then, I paused. I had quite the epiphany...

Hmm... Shady, locked up in an asylum... An asylum that I have the master key to... Hehehe

"Ya know," I mused, contemplated the possibilities. "We could... Ooooh, that might... I see..."

The crack whispered to me an idea, and I giggled in amusement. "Hehehe well, why didn't I think of that in the first place?"

"Do wha--"

I dropped the key in my bag, and pushed the cart to the door. "Forget I said anything." She seemed to have stopped herself, eyeing my bag... I could tell that she was momentarily irritated, the expression flashing clearly across her face. She must not particularly enjoy this abusive place... Weird, I thought she was into pain...

She sighed lightly, watching me move towards the door. "Leaving already, hm?"

I had considered it. I could return at anytime, dressed up as an orderly. I could spend countless hours visiting her, pushing her in the right direction... influencing her... helping her... strengthening her... kissing her... Besides, hehe, she was never one to be able to handle my presence for too long. Most of our longer meetings have ended at gunpoint. ;)

But... her tone made me stop. I leaned on the cart. "We're together finally, alone... Both equally lost and maybe in love..." Pondering, I continued, "Our minds are stumbling around in this wonderfully dark world, free like fish at sea."

I examined her, filled with the strangest thoughts. "I've never wanted something so badly," I eyed her, "and yet I've never wanted to break myself so badly," I groaned, and found that speaking was surprisingly painful and infuriating. Pure insanity, I'd say! Oh, and to think, for so long I was hoping that I hadn't lost my mind... Teehee.

"You're beautiful like this, dang it. You know that, right?" I couldn't help but admire her, scratches and all. "You should get admitted to the looney house more often."

Pausing, I scratched my chin and raised my eyebrow. I rarely feel conflicted, if ever... Stupid dolls and their feminine witchcraft.

"We are quite spectacularly insane, aren't we?" I said decidedly, almost whispering. "Do you want me? For company? For me to stay?" I asked her, tilting my head.

She bowed her head a bit, watching me as I spoke... Her face was turning red. Hehe I wondered for a moment if I had broken her or something. Whoops.

A smile cracked across her face. "All of what you said, I like it." She mimicked me slightly. "Did you know you're also one of the very few consistent things in my life? You never REALLY leave. It's nice." She reached out her free hand to me, "I'd like you to stay, stay this time, though." I was confused for a moment, but then my brain registered what she was saying. Dumb brain, acting slow because of boobs. Huff. Haha!

She clarified what she was saying, "Physically not leave. It would mean a lot."

Gah, this chick... I took her hand and kissed it, smiling. Impossible nutcase. "As you wish," I kicked the cart aside, idly, and it bumped against the wall near the door. "You sweet talker you."

I took a seat on the bed and situated myself next to her, "I just can't resist a good snuggle, can I?" I sighed, taking a firm grip on her hand and running a few fingers through her hair.

"We should do this more often. Haha, snuggle times with TheAdvocate and Shady. We could have our own romantic comedy, ya? Everybody would love it. We'd end up with our own brand of cereal and popcorn. Maybe action figures too, ya know? I hope they don't overemphasize my butt. You'd make a hot action figure," I snickered, poking Shady's forehead.

"Your butt is pretty big," She joked, lacing her fingers in mine. "But I think our version of a romantic comedy would scare the piss out of the world. Hehe, it would be delightful." She leaned into my chest with an amused grin, hugging my waist. "Like this, very delightful. Snuggle time is nice. With you, that is. Let's make this a continuous thing." She paused, a new thought coming to mind.

"I like this." She said, as if it was a fact.

Somewhere in the world, a church just burned down.

She stroked my cheek, "It's as captivating as your personality."

I couldn't help but silently admire her. I chuckled as she spoke, "A step in the right direction, wouldn't you agree? I'm thinking this is a fresh start! Think of it... Out with the old, in with the new. Ha! The possibilities!"

My inflection turned into that of a mob boss', "We're going places, little lady! You and me, callin' the shots! Thuggee's got power, but he don't got the brain to hold onto it forever."

My accent slipped into something of a cockney resemblance. "As for all the oth'r pups in the 'ouse, i's justa matt'r o' linin' 'em up for leashes. Hehe an' settin' 'em all out on each oth'r!" I wrapped my hands around her waist victoriously, holding her for a moment. "But look at me, babbling on and on about whatnot." I pulled her head towards mine and kissed her forehead.

"Is there anything -- Or anyone -- that you would like me to deal with when I get back outside?" A sinister smile crawled across my face, and I could feel a sense of wicked accomplishment glowing behind my eyelids as I settled in for the night.

Shady listened to me as I spoke, and when I asked her what favors she needed me to do for her when after I left, she glanced at me and I knew at that moment...

We're going to change the world. Hehehe.

~tA