About Me

Monday, October 17, 2011


Hehehe I've been having a lot of black outs lately. Makes me wonder what the boss is doing. Anyone mind explaining how my favorite leather jacket got torn apart like this?

Big guy, you owe me a new jacket. That was genuine leather from Italy. 

Anyhow, I've decided to take up sowing as a hobby. It just seems like a useful skill to have, especially with my plans for little ol' Ike. I forgot to ask him what his skin tone was... Poo, I guess I'll just find out for myself in a little while.

Hehehe don't be too scared, kid. I'm just in the market for a Halloween costume. Har har har ;)

Do you have any siblings? I don't have the attention span to read your blog for more than three seconds, so... ya, if you could just list the height and weight of all of your siblings and your parents, that would be much appreciated! 

How are all of my students today? Hehe its October, and I think we all know what that means! Time to have some fun! Who wants my recipe for licorice whips? They are a bang at parties. My caramel corn has a sweet and sharp taste like no other! And lets not forget that I make a killer pot pie! 

I absolutely adore this holiday <3 Its like a second birthday to me!

Who should I invite to my house for my annual fright night party? Wanna see my guest list? Shady, you're at the top, but you'll NEVER guess who else is. Hehehe 

So much to talk about, but I'm too excited to sit for long! I think I'll pay my friends a visit. I hope you don't mind if I stop by to say hello, Doctor.

See you later,

Monday, October 3, 2011


I think it is about time that I rekindle the good old furnace and visit a few bloggers at their homes.

Ya, that's right. Nobody is safe. I actually have a list in my back pocket of people I'd LOVE to stick a syringe into, but I won't ruin the surprise by publicizing it! You think me for a fool?

Anyhow, I'm done observing from a distance. Shady is off having fun, getting herself into trouble, and I don't mind waiting for her to get home before we resume our relationship. You know what that means, love? It means that until you come back to me, I get to poke needles into other innocent people... some of which, you may know personally :)

Jealous that you aren't whoring my attention anymore? Hehehe you can stick that in a juice-box and suck on it babe.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. You know what that means to me? It means that when I say "Run" you say "I can't because I'm too petrified by fear". Hehehe so I'm going to be having a lot more fun than usual.

I'll be raiding a local animal shelter later tonight for some new test subjects, I've got some recipes to play with.

Dear Followers,
Before you go to sleep tonight, send a poisonous reptile in the direction of your in-law's/neighbor's/child's bedroom. It'll be a great way to liven up the evening, while at the same time eliminating a mouth to feed at breakfast! Just avoid being bitten by the before mentioned reptile. That would be counter-productive.

I'm trying to hit all the topics that are flooding behind my eyelids. These glorious doves that swim through the air and explode into nuclear mushroom clouds that I call my thoughts. NEXT TOPIC.

These dreams keep getting more elaborate. It's getting obnoxious. I'm wondering why the big man keeps sending me these things. Hey, Executor, you awake? Can I schedule an appointment with the skinny guy in the suit? Hehehe.

As for work, I've got lots in the future I'm planning. All I can say is that you'll either want to punch my face in, or give birth to my children. More likely, the latter. Cough cough, Shady. Cough cough.

Lullaby Lullaby Lullaby, I'm reconsidering letting you go. I think poking holes in you with my tools would be a great way of getting back at Mr. Proctor.

Or not. It depends on how I feel next week.

As for this week, anybody wanna play a game of darts later? I'll provide the darts and poison, and New Jersey will provide the targets.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Intellectuals Around The World

Gross. Shady is off to who-knows-where, and I have to find her again. 

You're lucky, beautiful. You got away before I could set up my observation equipment. I had solar powered cameras and everything, ready to set up... You spoil all my fun, sometimes.

Then again, I do enjoy a good chase. 

I've been writing a lot of poetry lately. I like expressing myself through the arts, but unfortunately I ran out of bodies to write on. My basement floor is a mess. Hehehehe. I've got to restock my fridge. 

People really should be thanking me for what I do. I keep the New Jersey population count under control. ;)

Speaking of babies, I bet Mystery feels like she's starring in a new season of Degrassi. Hehehe. Geez, I tried to warn you guys. I'm not really interested in fornicating, so I found it pretty nasty that they kept... you know... having fun in the basement. I WAS fascinated by Doctor P's use of my medical equipment... I chose a bad day to sterilize that crap. Sterilization is overrated, from now on I will let my victim's clean my tools with their tongues alone. 

Oh Lullaby, seeing as I'm technically to blame for you and Doc ever meeting, is it okay if I babysit? Can I be its uncle? 

Bah, you people bore me. I've never really been interested in any of you, excluding Shady. Mystery, you need to find friends that aren't dead. Seriously, talking to ghosts and stuff is just creepy. And no, the people that live with you aren't your friends. Someday, when the chips are down, they'll stand by you no matter what. REAL friends would know that you're not worth keeping around and leave you to die. :) 

The test of true friendship is whether or not they let you inject them with poisonous chemicals... That's trust! 

I do it all the time, actually. That's why I don't have very many friends :) Hehehehe.

But seriously, Lullaby, you should just jump out a window. You're boring and I thought we could be friends, but you're too selfish. Doc, you can shoot yourself. I don't like you.

Speaking of Doc, I might need to be seeing one soon. Hehehe I'm dreaming again, and only wonderful things come from my dreams! Only problem is that my dreams are acting funny. I keep seeing other people in the dreams... completely irrelevant people. The Executor... Mystery and some other crazies from her group... Some soldier punks in uniform... the big man himself...

That isn't even the beginning of the weirdness... 

Oh well, why am I even talking about this? It's not like I'm questioning my sanity or anything... Hehehehe

How are you, my intellectual followers? Have you punished your neighbor's dog for his obnoxious barking? Have you pushed your rebellious child into a lawn mower yet?

I want to know how all of you are, because my students inspire me.

Also, anyone got any suggestions on where the little lady I be searching for can be found, yaaarrr?