About Me

Monday, April 30, 2012

Great Progress, Eh!

Aw darn. Blogger... What is with this ugly new set up? Haha... Hey there, students. What have you been up to? Hehe cheers for Monday, right? Three cheers for the beginning of another fruitful week!

I decided to give Shady earlier this month, after my last post... Huff, that girl just doesn't appreciate all the time I put into planning our special dates. I cooked you a delicious meal, I took you with me on a romantic escape and then I ended your experience with a fantastic, top quality pyrotechnics showcase... Hehehe and you still won't pick up my phone calls... Hooooow cuuuuuute. Your just so freaking adorable. You know what? You know what? You... you have TRULY inspired me. Now, I'm going to get creative. No, lacing the drinking cups at your house with tasteless, invisible chemicals to put you out... Hehe that's not enough, is it? No, its time to raise my standards. You and I are going to have a lot fun in the future. REAL fun. No more kiddie crap! Now people are going to get hurt. Now, people will die. :)

Ha. Ha. Ha. Haaa... HA! I'm freaking giddy. I heard you let Lullaby die. Ooh, Thuggee is gonna be PO'd. He might even have me do something horrible to you, babe. Let's not fight, beautiful. I don't wanna be your enemy :)

I wanna be your drug. Hehehe

My Monday has been pretty great, excluding this sucky new blogger-theme-crap... I've been very productive!

This is how EVERY week should start. I've been such a busy bee... I did it, finally. My chemical recipes are ready to put into daily use. Wee! This opens way too many doors. This... this is the highlight of the month!

What else did I accomplish today? Well, I made a new friend. You remember Amy Smith? Hehehe... Yesterday, I caught her scent in my area. Figuratively.

She thought she could hide out in a vacant, inner city apartment! Ha! Stupid girl, oh you can't imagine how disappointed I was when I tracked you down. Why'd you have to run to such an OBVIOUS place? I mean, I seriously expected more from the girl who kept herself alive for so many years using the same con over and over again! Hehe I wonder what caused you behave so sloppily...

Did the fear cloud your mind? Did panic poison your common sense? Why, after so long, did you start making such dumb decisions? Ha... no, in the end you were just like any other Running Gun. An amateur trying to survive.

You set a trap.
You tried to pull the wool over my eyes.
You wanted to turn the tables on me.
Hey, when I caught on to your act you even tried to snare me and I still dodged the noose...
Then you started to slip, didn't you? Did I set you off balance?
Hehe you weren't prepared for my survival. You lost your nerve, eh? Haaa...

I like you, Amy, you have guts. You remind me of Shady a little bit. Of course, she's got a lot going for her and she is just so very special and you... well you're just a doll, you don't have what it takes to survive when the big dogs finally find you. I guess that's why I was assigned to deal with you. The average hollowed puppet just never cut it, ya know? Even after Shady was impaled by Road Runner, she managed to keep herself alive when the crazy lady sent proxies after her...

Its not that hard to deal with those insects. They're the Tall Man's cannon fodder, they're only really dangerous in groups. Like I said though, you've got guts. Your an above average gal and for that I think you deserve a little credit. So, congrats to you! You survived... Hehehe

But anyways, back to what I was saying...

Runners are much easier to hunt than they are to catch. How do you track a Runner, you might ask? Well, simply follow the trail of paranoia and civil unrest! Hehehe Runners have a talent for causing trouble, no matter where they go or who they interact with. They travel across the surface of the world like a plague, spreading the Boss' influence...

So, I went around town and interviewed some concerned citizens and... hehe they sure did let the cat out of the bag. You sure seem surprised to see me when I did show up. But hey, I've been talking a lot about this, maybe you'd like a chance to tell all of my viewers about what happened? No? Not in the mood to type right now? Hmmm you seem a little loopy still from that dose of Venus... Hehehe come on, girly, sober up!

You had expected me to come charging through the front door and I decided just to step right into your little hideout via the bedroom closet. Hehe you smelt the scent of ash and you saw the black leaves that littered the floor as I entered reality, you spilled the beer you had purchased at the small store down the road and you tried to grab that pretty little gun of yours...

I moved fast, rolling out of that closet like a tidal wave and hitting you against the wall with my full force. You  squeaked like a chew toy, I grabbed you by the shoulder and drove my knee into your diaphragm. I could feel the strength leave your body like a held breath. I balled my fists and made contact with your right cheek, sending you into another wall. You rolled into the kitchen, coughing. You tried to draw your pistol, but it slipped out of your hands clumsily. You really should have invested in a holster for that thing instead of just tucking it into the back pocket of your pants... I stepped into the kitchen as it hit the floor. You screamed and cursed, you scrambled to find some kind of a weapon, the kitchen was empty, you tried to climb over the counter and escape, I grabbed you by the wrist before you could...

You slapped at me and I caught your hand, I twisted your wrist upward and you dropped to your knee in submission to the pain. I paused for a moment to admire my work, grinning on the inside. This was the best part of my job. Fear was painted all over your adorable face. In this lighting, you were actually pretty cute. Not nearly as cute as my lovely Shady, but cute nonetheless. I wondered, how beautiful would Ms. Amy Smith look once I was finished with her? Then I realized that I didn't know your real name.

"So, what's your name?"
You spat at my feet defiantly.
"What is your name," I dislocated one of your wrists and you started to cry. It was pitiful. You remained defiant! In annoyance, I dislocated your other wrist and shoved you to the ground.
"Tell me your name, now!" I reached into my satchel and... paused. Joshua's pistol was available for use, but so were three syringes loaded with my latest chemical mixtures... Decisions, decisions, decisions.

You seemed lost, you tried to wiggle away so that you could recover from my attacks but you were just too broken. Your mind was paralyzed, your body was in shock from terror. I casually sauntered over to you and made my decision.

"You'll tell me your name soon enough," I laughed and pulled the Venus Project from my bag. A couple of doses of this and you'd be more than willing to tell me your name.

So, I stuck you in the arm and brought you home with me. You still haven't recovered from my assault, despite my medical attention. Ugh, I hate slow healers.

You should feel very special right now. You're the first test subject that has ever survived the Venus Project!  Oh, and you're alive! Only a few kids are special enough to keep alive. Hehehehe...

So, Amy... hehehe what's your name?

Wait a moment! Wait a moment! Breaking news! I just got a new email in my inbox! Ohohohoho... You'll never guess who just emailed me. Proctor, Shady is gonna be very mad at you... But I bet you aren't too happy with her right now either, are you? ;) Hehehe...

Hurry up and finish baking, Amy, we've got plans for this week.
See you soon, students!

Monday, April 16, 2012

1:07 AM Is The Best Time To Do The Dishes

Well, I'm just surrounded by an assortment of trouble aren't I? Hehe I've gotten pretty good at this whole "making friends" bit. It seems that The Executor was pretty irritated by my recent alliance with Thuggly! Don't be so jealous, Bonny Lad. Its nothing personal. Ha. Its business, that's all. Thuggly and I have a deal going right now that is just too sweet to resist. Once I've made a few life insurance payments, I'll be back to working for the big guy full-time. Hehe everybody wins! Don't let it frustrate you that I can work both sides of the fence and you can't.

Besides, I still have the list the boss gave me on Valentine's Day. So... technically we're still co-workers :) At least until I finish this project. Then I'll spend a few months cleaning house for Thuggly, invest time into perfecting my most recent chemical weapons, and put on the biggest fireworks show in the history of nuclear warfare... Did I mention I was writing a play? Its a musical. I've been working on the cast list for a while. Its going to be delightful. A real theatrical triumph! Snails are still very much the latest trend. 

Oh, I went over my To Do list yesterday... I have quite a lot to do, its true! Its almost depressing. How am I ever going to manage to set aside quality time for my lovely dove and I? I'll do it, I will! Hehe where there is a will, there is gasoline and a lighter! I jotted down a few additional notes today:

1. Call Shady
2. Venus trial at resort, don't forget sponges
3. Locate #32
4. Deal with #31 (Ashley Smith is a doozy, remember Party Potion)
5. Remember to bring ashtray from basement
6. Order C4
7. Send package to Gallop and Gravity

Oh, let me pause for a moment. Number seven has been on my mind all day. Hehe keep your eyes open for a surprise, girls and boys! I just shipped a very special order to an acquaintance of mine. Cross that off the list...  

Besides the above mentioned chores, I have some other things listed for memories sake. I have a terrible knack of forgetting matters of importance... Oh, that reminds me. I need to prepare a package for the Doctor! Hehehe Shady, you're going to enjoy this. What fun the three of us are going to have together. Now, before you start poking at me aggressively, you should know that he was the one who extended an invitation to meet for tea. Well, maybe he didn't invite me over for tea specifically but he did invite me for a good old fashioned reunion! We're all behaving so wonderfully civil, aren't we. HA. 

Wait, let me get a pencil... Okay, we're good. I'll call you soon, babe <3 It would really be healthier for everyone if you picked up when I did so. Thanks for understanding, dear. ;)

I recently began recording my body's reactions to certain situations/environments/emotions/chemicals/etc, and I find that while writing I experience 50% more migraines and head rushes than at any other time of the day. Fascinating, isn't it? Don't get me started on the changes in my genetic structure, the alteration of my blood's color and the heightened sense to-- Oops, the rest of this sentence is not available and/or could not be located due to its high spoiler content. Error code: Sucks for you. Hehehe.

Pros and cons of genetic alterations... saving this to record... Wee, loading screen...

Anyhow, I lost my train of thought... Ten years ago. ;) Hehe. 

The Executor, don't stress your pretty little mind about me. I'm just having fun. You're going to let me have my fun. Why wouldn't you? Hehe nothing to fear but fear himself. I'm going to spend some time having fun, wrecking some lives, building some alliances, manufacturing bombs and then we'll see what I do next. I do believe that you and I are equally unaware of where all roads lead, I guess we can be surprised together when we get there! We'll have a celebration then, maybe you can let me borrow one of your schnazzy looking suits for the occasion. Haha. Speaking of parties... Octobor is steadily approaching, isn't it? I've got a theme in mind for Fright Night 2012. Maybe you'd like to visit the dance floor, eh?

Hehe I'm so freaking good at making friends. I should write a book. Or a blog. Ha!

You know, Ashley Smith has turned out to be a big pain in the butt. She's a dame I could live without. In fact, give me a week and we'll see if she can keep up this game of evasion... I'll have quite a prize when I catch her, won't I? She's done a fine job of running, but I'm sure she'll try and make a stand soon. She's a stereotypical Running Gun, like I said before...They all try and play the hero eventually. 

I'll admit, she's good. I caught on to her secret ploy at the restaurant when I originally located and contacted her, but I was probably the first to hunt her and realize that she was playing scared. The overemphasized nervousness, the painfully obvious pistol she kept "concealed" on her, her messy appearance... Nobody who acts like that could have killed as many pursuers as she has. The sleep-deprived appearance isn't hard to fake if you know what you're doing. 

With a good disguise and above average acting skills, I bet she fooled a lot of proxies into underestimating her. Hehehe but she couldn't fool me, could she? Too bad that thing had to screw it all up. Now she's running around, trying to avoid me like a fly dodging a swat. Eh, I'll deal with her tomorrow. Or maybe I could take a midnight run to town and set the ball rolling. We'll see how I feel in an hour... Yawn. I'm not exactly in the mood to prowl tonight. When I find her, she won't realize I'm on her heels. Tomorrow, next week, next month... doesn't particularly matter to me. 

Alright, time to go do something productive. Look at me, wasting time that I could be using testing my recipes! I blame this on all of you. Hehehe my students. I just like you all that much ;)

Hmm... You know what's irritating? Dishwashers. 

Until I decide to mutilate another person and write about it, 

SEE YOU SOON, KIDS. Hehe. I've got so much more to write about.