About Me

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Professional sadist. I like playing with chemicals and needles.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Kidney Pie

It's what's for dinner! Oh, no not my dinner. Some family out in Nebraska. They wanted their beloved pet Rufus returned and, you know me, I'm a sucker for a "Long lost, now reunited" story. So, they got a treasured family pet and a delicious meal all in one! Sounds like a good deal to me!

Hmm, I'm not a big fan of cannibalism but I can't help wonder... How's your kidney taste, Shady? ;)

To be honest, it was a little hard to let go of dearest Rufus. He was nearly the perfect specimen to use for testing my new recipe for genetic mutation. Unfortunately, he couldn't handle the first phase of the experiment and, to be blunt, exploded into many tiny pieces all over my basement. Looked a lot like confetti, but definitely did not smell like confetti. I had a moment of nostalgia as it reminded me of Fright Night. Remind me to include a room next year full of exploding domestic animals. That'll give PETA a kick! Hehehe. But wait, I lost my point. It was hard to let go of the little beast's remains simply for the fact that his reaction to the chemicals was so extreme, I almost wish I had kept them for study. I did the nice thing though and returned him to his family :)

Reunited and it feels so good.

Speaking of Fright Night, I've decided to drag the story out as long as possible, by request of darling Dia ;)

I have 5 minutes before -- NO SPOILERS --  is finished baking, so if I include part 3 of the events at Fright Night or not in this update will depend on if I can finish writing before I run out of time. Just know that the story will be sectioned off into several parts, some longer than others.

I bet you're curious to what it is I've been up to since my last post was made. Well, besides reading up on some blogs and chasing down a few old...umm... projects, I've been throwing around some chemicals, practicing medical procedures, sharpening some knives and perfecting my aim with a dart gun. What can I say, I have a lot to prepare for.

For some reason, my computer keeps freezing up, so I think that is a sign that I need to get back to work. Sigh. I'm in a surprisingly bad mood suddenly. I guess I'll have to go burn something down, I need a pick me up.

Great, and now the sudden headaches... What's that smell? Is that... cinnamon? Hehehehe. Can you smell that? Maybe not yet, but maybe you will ;)

I'll be back. Oh yes. I'll be back. Talk to you soon.
~tA

Monday, January 16, 2012

Special People

Hello again, kiddies. We've been very busy bees over here at Advocate Industries (We do what we do, because we can) since the last post was made. It seems that I'm not the only scissor cutting strings, though, and not all of my co-workers are exactly working for the same goal as I am...

Hey though, at least in the end I can look back and be proud of the art I've produced, and if any schmuck gets in the way of my masterpiece... well, I think the Boss will let me have my fun. He always has ;D

What was my point though? Never mind, let's jump to the next topic.

Cats. I love them personally. They're great companions, and always feel up to volunteering for my projects. BUT not only do they have fun personalities, they also have wonderful claws. Quite fun at parties. Dogs are nice too, but for different reasons. Cats though... they just have it all figured out.

As for black cats... well, I have one in mind that needs to be dealt with.

Shady, Shady, Shady... If only you and I could have another extended vacation together... So much to talk about.

Thuggee says hi, by the way. I know that he and I have had our differences, considering how he threw you around last year... but he's tolerable as a business partner.

He's a nut... a complete nut. Saner than I am, though. Maybe completely sane. That is what is weird... He gets inside your head, too. Like the Boss, but without the headaches.

Of course, I don't have a death wish (sometimes), so I'm keeping my distance from him. Associating with him doesn't exactly draw friendly attention. Even the big guy hates him. Executor and him have some kind of war going on...

I'm special though. I can cross the battlefield without having to worry about getting shot. Even Shady won't kill me.

Oh but look at me, rambling again. I lost my point... Cats... No, that's not what I wanted to talk about...

What would you do if you woke up one morning and found that everything you believed was a lie? Hehehe... Now I sound like Doc Proc.

Topic: The Fright Night. Now here's something that I can focus on. Part 2: Sexy times beneath the Gallow's tree ;)

Ms. Lady's party experience began in The Office, a blank white room modeled after a familiar Asylum. By her account on her blog, she cannot help but admit that I have a great sense of humor. Love you too babe. Too bad you stuck around for a tad too long and had to suffer the penalty for lingering in that room...

Bygones, I suppose. If you've read anyone's retelling of my party before, you'll know that I just can't resist chattering on the loud speaker. So I did. Maybe I monologue a bit, but I don't think anyone was complaining by the end of the night.

It didn't take long for Shady to get distracted by the next room. She crossed the New Jersey Times room, examining its newspaper covered walls, interested, but once again I had to usher her along to the next room. If I hadn't been working on a schedule, I would've allowed her to bask in the documented glory... Hehehe I would have let you all linger and enjoy my Themed Rooms.

She moved on to the next room. The Happy House. One of my favorite rooms... Previous volunteers who either succeeded or failed my tests, packed into cages and left to burn with the rest of the mansion. Do you lament that they could not be saved, Shady? Part of me would have liked to keep them for further examination... but there is only so much you can do with a broken mind.

This room is where Dia and Shady bumped into each other for a bit. Boring, in my opinion. May as well have been a knitting club encounter. Would've been quite a show if they had lingered 12 more seconds. That's live television for you.

The two little girls skipped off together into a dark room, and you already know how Monsieur Ferus handled things... Hehe so exciting.

Seperated, Shady ran off to the School House to meet with dearest Josie and Dia... well, Dia learned not to trust strangers.

Jeez, I really did teach some life lessons that night... To me, its all a bit blurry. I may be mixing the order of events up, I can't quite recall, but I think the memories I created will linger for a long, long time. Maybe forever.

I guess we'll see. I've been at this computer all day playing with coding, and writing emails to send to far off individuals, and I'm getting bored, so I'll hop along again soon to write up the next part of my retelling.

Hehe see you soon ;)
~tA

Friday, January 6, 2012

Cleaning House

Time to get down to business.

Oh yes. Business. Hehe let's all put on our ties and jackets and get to work, shall we?

Where to begin, where to begin... Oh, here's an idea: Fright Night.

Has it really been so long? November seems so far away... But oh, I won't forget that glorious explosion. I think the girls thought it was pretty sexy ;)

Propane, like a boss. I guess you could say that Fright Night ended with a bang. But enough with the puns! Are my ears still ringing?

Memories... THAT is how you make a memory. You take a common cliche and you make it special. How'd you enjoy my finale, girls and boys?

Have you been eagerly anticipating this update? I'm sure you have. Why else would you be here if you didn't adore my stories? Hehehe...

Let's discuss cleaning. Cleaning what you say? Cleaning house. Most people use Windex, I prefer to use fire. Everything burns. Propane just adds to the fun!

The party started off swimmingly. Josie was there. She's a doll. Hehehe. Shady attended, though I doubt she really had any other choice. ;) She can't stay away from my body. I work out. I remember seeing Ferus, he's a fun guy. Fawkes... Hehehe I can't say his name with a straight face. And he kinda talks funny too. Graves and Gallows, the inseparable pair, showed up and were quite the party animals. I think Gallows and I could be very very good friends... And lets not forget everyone's favorite; Dia!

Do I spy a double date between Shady and I with Gallows and Dia in the future?

We're all so cute together <3

I can't wait for Valentines Day... Hehehe

Anyways, enough about love.

Things started out with Dia showing up a tad bit too early and entering the warehouse using the key I had supplied her with. She ended up entering my TV Tunnel, a special themed room elaborately designed of a bunch of TV's that are playing a multitude of wonderful videos that I've created over the course of my long career. Some were animations depicting the imaginary deaths of a few of my visiting guests, some were videos of me torturing past victims, and some were of my guests going about their every day lives while I observed them from a distance... Most of said stalking footage was of Shady, but whose keeping track?

She got fixated on that stupid room and started wasting my time, so I shut the TV's off and opened the automated exit door that would lead her into the next room. A shame, she got the message before I had to "encourage" her to move on. Hehehe. When I was a kid I did Boy Scouts for a short time, so it wasn't hard to remember the importance of being prepared. Oh the good old boring days of my youth. Beforehand, I had installed "encouragement" systems in every part of the warehouse maze for guests that lingered too long in one room.

Oh, and by the way, snails are trending.

All of my observation was done from the security room attached to the maintenance hall located near the back of the warehouse, locked down so no kiddies would accidentally stumble in upon me and ruin my fun. Occasionally I would use my nifty little ladder to ascend the catwalk above the warehouse and observe the party goers more intimately. Silly little Narnians.

What was I saying? Oh, snakes! Right. Both dearest Dia and Fawkes were weaving their ways through the maze now, very close to encountering each other. I was on the edge of my seat every time they crossed a common intersection, but sadly this isn't reality TV so nothing too dramatic happened with these two. Though, I was simply delighted by Ferus' performance in the Black Chamber. Sneaky little creep with his cigars (Or was it a cigarette? I can't remember which it was) and machetes. Oh Ferus, tobacco can kill you... Hehehe

What does any of this have to do with snakes? Well, it so happens that I designed a very special room for Dia with a very moody snake I like to call the Grinch. It's a shame she fled the room as soon as the Grinch retreated behind some brush, I would have loved to see her reaction to the "encouragement" system. Fawkesy's reaction to my snake was less entertaining, to say the least. Poor timing on the Grinch's part, I think. Stupid PMSing snake.

Gallows and Graves, well they were an inseparable pair as always. By the time these two were actively participating in the festivities, I had already started dissecting a dismembered arm from a few projects ago. I recall looking up from my work, noticing Gallows and Dia in the Mannequin House and becoming mildly interested in their relationship...

Compared to Gallows, I might as well be the Love Doctor and have a Ph.D. in romance. But despite his social awkwardness, I have no doubt that he knows how to get a girls heart, though ;)

If you didn't catch the joke, you should take a bath in gasoline while holding a lit match.

Oh crap, that reminds me. I have to go start a fire...

I guess I've ran out of time for today kids, I'll be back later to post the rest of this update.

See you later!
~tA