About Me

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Gods. Gods. Gods.

Stupid gods. How can a god be a god if that god can be overthrown? 

I hate religion. Except for the Catholics. The Crusades was the best thing done for mankind ever. Someday, I'd like to lead a crusade. It would be for a different goal, though. Who cares about any kind of god? Formaldehyde, and all the other wonderful chemicals in the world are my gods. Have you ever been fed formaldehyde? Probably not, considering you are well enough to read this blog.

Speaking of Crusades, I think my followers should spread my blog around. The good old gospel needs to be shared, or else everyone will become as pathetic and useless as you (possibly) are.

Wanna know what I did while I was away? I drove around dragging children behind my car, mangling the flesh on their body. Then, I used it to make a quilt. Then, I sent it to you. Just kidding, why would I send anything to you? I sent it to my dearest cousin, the one that doesn't know I exist yet. Or at least, not my alias. She knows the other me. The one that everyone loves and adores, the one without the mask.

Everyone has another self, we can't be seen walking around in character or else somebody who could recognize us would start making trouble for us on a daily basis. Having stalked many of the Jersey dwellers, I know for a fact that if they saw me in Wal-Mart buying toothpaste, it would cause lots of trouble for me. 

Besides, it would ruin my image. And by image, I mean the fact that I never lie. 

Guess what. I don't buy toothpaste.

High-fives to anyone who gets my comedy genius, if you don't well.. you can be fixed.

Shady Shady Shady
La La La La La
I miss you greatly. 
Like a train misses the innocent women that are tied to it's railroad tracks.

So, I have a homework assignment for all of you. Besides spreading my educational... curriculum... around, try to do some nasty deeds to your neighbors. Like I always say, sharing is caring, especially if you're sharing pain and/or a disease of some sort. 

If you haven't noticed, I'm in a very good mood today. 

The REAL homework assignment though, is to locate someone for me. I need a location. 

Could you find me the girl known as Shady Lady and her little buddy, Mystery? I'd greatly appreciate it.

Doctor Doctor! We've got an emergency!

That's right, Mr. Proctor, I've entered the hospital and I'm here for an extended duration.

Hehehe what  the heck has got me so silly, you ask? 

You'll just have to wait and see. I love suspense, don't you?

Speaking of theater, I once lit one on fire. Lots of burns involved, both for myself and for my victims. I was a bit sloppy, in my youth. The cops almost caught me, but I was able to kill all the witnesses and eliminate the evidence against me. Now, I'm sitting pretty still. I don't recall ever being caught... 

Really, what I do takes passion. It's a calling, actually. Not to mention the fringe benefits of having a boss like mine... 

Do you know my boss? You probably do if you're reading this blog.

If not, you will someday.

Defenders Against Slenders is a dorky name for a group, honey. You should change it to "OH CRAP, THEADVOCATE IS GONNA FREAKING KILL US ALL". 

Sounds a lot better, I think. When you charge your enemy, it'll be fun to scream. Hehehe.

Anyhow, why am I wasting my moment of joy with all you? I've got things to do now that I'm home. Back in Jersey.

Love the smell of blood on concrete, and let's not forget brain matter on the side.

Bye Bye Bye,

Tickle you soon, buddies.