Gods. Gods. Gods.

Stupid gods. How can a god be a god if that god can be overthrown? 

I hate religion. Except for the Catholics. The Crusades was the best thing done for mankind ever. Someday, I'd like to lead a crusade. It would be for a different goal, though. Who cares about any kind of god? Formaldehyde, and all the other wonderful chemicals in the world are my gods. Have you ever been fed formaldehyde? Probably not, considering you are well enough to read this blog.

Speaking of Crusades, I think my followers should spread my blog around. The good old gospel needs to be shared, or else everyone will become as pathetic and useless as you (possibly) are.

Wanna know what I did while I was away? I drove around dragging children behind my car, mangling the flesh on their body. Then, I used it to make a quilt. Then, I sent it to you. Just kidding, why would I send anything to you? I sent it to my dearest cousin, the one that doesn't know I exist yet. Or at least, not my alias. She knows the other me. The one that everyone loves and adores, the one without the mask.

Everyone has another self, we can't be seen walking around in character or else somebody who could recognize us would start making trouble for us on a daily basis. Having stalked many of the Jersey dwellers, I know for a fact that if they saw me in Wal-Mart buying toothpaste, it would cause lots of trouble for me. 

Besides, it would ruin my image. And by image, I mean the fact that I never lie. 

Guess what. I don't buy toothpaste.

High-fives to anyone who gets my comedy genius, if you don't well.. you can be fixed.

Shady Shady Shady

La La La La La

I miss you greatly. 

Like a train misses the innocent women that are tied to it's railroad tracks.

So, I have a homework assignment for all of you. Besides spreading my educational... curriculum... around, try to do some nasty deeds to your neighbors. Like I always say, sharing is caring, especially if you're sharing pain and/or a disease of some sort. 

If you haven't noticed, I'm in a very good mood today. 

The REAL homework assignment though, is to locate someone for me. I need a location. 

Could you find me the girl known as Shady Lady and her little buddy, Mystery? I'd greatly appreciate it.

Doctor Doctor! We've got an emergency!

That's right, Mr. Proctor, I've entered the hospital and I'm here for an extended duration.

Hehehe what  the heck has got me so silly, you ask? 

You'll just have to wait and see. I love suspense, don't you?

Speaking of theater, I once lit one on fire. Lots of burns involved, both for myself and for my victims. I was a bit sloppy, in my youth. The cops almost caught me, but I was able to kill all the witnesses and eliminate the evidence against me. Now, I'm sitting pretty still. I don't recall ever being caught... 

Really, what I do takes passion. It's a calling, actually. Not to mention the fringe benefits of having a boss like mine... 

Do you know my boss? You probably do if you're reading this blog.

If not, you will someday.

Defenders Against Slenders is a dorky name for a group, honey. You should change it to "OH CRAP, THEADVOCATE IS GONNA FREAKING KILL US ALL". 

Sounds a lot better, I think. When you charge your enemy, it'll be fun to scream. Hehehe.

Anyhow, why am I wasting my moment of joy with all you? I've got things to do now that I'm home. Back in Jersey.

Love the smell of blood on concrete, and let's not forget brain matter on the side.

Bye Bye Bye,

~tA

Tickle you soon, buddies. 

Dear Shady

I've never seen anyone sprint in such a fashion as you do, it was quite magnificent. A gazelle in the open plains of (wherever gazelle's can be found in abundance) comes to mind when I recall the image of your terrified face as you fled my presence. I hear that you've been reunited with your "friends". I assume you were graced with hugs and kisses, and all of the other pointless niceties upon your return. How disgusting. Your friends welcome you home, pat you on a back, congratulate you for surviving, and then delicately place a knife between your shoulder blades as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

But, I don't have to tell you about how things work, do I? I know you're a smart girl, even though you seem a bit silly and irrational. In fact, you and I have a lot in common. We could be partners, if you would stop this little game of hide and seek. I see the brutality within you, and the genius. You may even become my favorite pupil, someday. Fingers-crossed, I guess. Unfortunately, for now, you are behaving like an idiot.

I've been feeling a bit stretched, lately. This post has been written and rewritten, darling. My focus hasn't been on my students, and you've been printed behind my eyelids ever since you parted from me. So, perhaps I'll petition for a short vacation out of state so that I can get my priorities straight. Why am I telling you this? Perhaps this is a subtle way of informing my students that the teacher is giving them a few days or so of summer to enjoy. Alas, I've also been lazy with my extra-curricular activities. Some of my victims have been discovered by the Jersey police force. I've been forced to move my base of operations for now and work outside of Jersey, or risk discovery. 

It's been about a week since my last update was posted, and in that week a great deal of things have occurred. I've also spent a few empty hours reminiscing about my past, and I think I have some delightful stories to retell to my students. For now though, I have to get my head in the game and my knife out of my neighbor's throat. That is not a metaphor. 

That reminds me, I had a funny story about metaphors. I've forgotten what the story was. I think it involved cars, a boatload of gasoline, a match, a spoon, three cats, a transvestite, and a baby doll. I'm quite disappointed that I can't remember the details of it... Next time I commit an act of terrorism, I'll make sure to bring a camera. Maybe I can post it on YouTube. You people love YouTube, don't you?

On another note, I've been feeling quite humorous as of late, as you can probably tell. I was giggling in my bed all night, thinking about you and my students. And the Executor, and Mystery. I would love to meet Mystery. We should plan a play date.

Oh, and I heard you were raised roman catholic? I'm catholic!

More details on that later.

Bye for now, I have a decaying body to deal with and if I stick around for much longer I'll start rambling about something completely irrelevant (I actually have a neat story about all the ways a pencil sharpaner can be used to remove fingers, eyes, and teeth, which I was tempted to insert right here).

Have a great day, kill a few neighbors and maybe their relatives too,
~tA 

Silly Little Girls

I'm curious, are you anxious to hear of what occurred while Shady was in my care? If so, that is magnificent! I'm very pleased to hear that you are eager to learn. To an extent, I have enjoyed playing with you, promising results and yet forcing you to wait for them. I suppose I will be kind...and make you wait a little longer!

I'm a comedic genius. I was just playing with you, I'll be nice and retell the story for you.

Well, where to begin. Firstly, Shady's living conditions were the makings of a five star hotel. Quality food, air-conditioning and can I just say the staff was magnificent. Unfortunately, it seems she didn't share my views concerning the Executor's little bed and breakfast. Running away like she did and whatnot. Shady, if you are reading this I suggest you return. I miss you. If you didn't read my comment on your blog entry, you should. There were so many new games I wanted to play with you. If I was a teenage girl, I would probably insert a sad-face emoticon right now. Right there. Follow the arrow. Imagine a sad-face emoticon right there. ---> 

Anyways, what was I saying? I'm so easily distracted lately. Why? Because of silly little girls. Not to mention Victor... I don't even know what he is supposed to be. He likes to eat people, or so I've heard. I wonder if he is obese. I'm convinced he is a bored little American who wants to chase the Executor for no apparent reason.. Idiot. I think someone needs a new hobby. I rarely commit the act of cannibalism, there are too many calories and it takes to long to consume an entire human. Torture is more fun, and is definitely easier on the digestive system. 

But now back to Shady.

She was a fascinating case. I explored quite a few new and unique methods while dealing with her. 

Oh Shady, to say you were special would be an understatement.

You were a stubborn little brat. Strong-headed, and defiant, how unfortunate it was that I was forced to abide by the Executor's rules. I was so restricted. If only I could have broken your mind or your body. Either result would have satisfied me. Oh, but that couldn't be allowed... quite a shame. I was instructed repeatedly to leave your mind functioning. I had guidelines to work within. I despise guidelines. I am too creative to work inside the box.

However, I managed somehow. As I recall our time together, I almost wish I could have been allowed to push you harder. My mind is filled with all of the thoughts concerning this topic. The things we would have done together. Oh well, who can deny fate? What happens has happened, I'll have to deal with you when we encounter each other in the future.

Did you enjoy the games we played? The chemicals that flooded through your body, placing painful pressure on your sanity and weakening your resolve? I remember stroking your flesh so tenderly with my knife, eagerly sliding  a pair of needles beneath each and every fingernail, the soft heat of a lit match dancing up and down your spine, searing your flesh... and that was just the beginning. Then I explored all of the joints of your body.  How I enjoyed sliding my fingers into nerves and sending pain through you. Your expression was glorious! I really enjoyed it. Are your muscles till sore? Just wondering.

Afterwards, I retrieved my knife again. The next method you encountered is what I refer to as "700 Paper-Cuts". Sliding my dulled blade across your skin, repeatedly, never deep enough to draw blood, but just enough to case extensive pain. Seven hundred times, again and again. Then, I retraced my steps and carved new wounds into your delicate figure. Unlike the "paper-cuts" mentioned before, these were deep enough to draw a light trickle of blood. Did you like the Dora-the-Explorer band-aids I provided to control the bleeding? I though that would be a nice touch. I won't even mention how I beat you, and then dislocated your arm, that just seems like such an unimportant detail.

With all those fresh wounds and cuts, I decided to try a new trick. How did it feel when I slid those little blades of ice into the already opened wounds and allowed them to melt beneath your skin? Cold? 

What other things did I do to you? It seems like such a blur. If I am forgetting anything, please feel free to comment and I can add it to the list above.

Oh, and that baby doll I fed you. How did that taste? I had a lot of fun dissecting it, plowing it down your throat, and forcing you to chew on the plastic limbs. I was only mildly disgusted when you vomited it up. Honestly, you almost dirtied my shoes. You should have just followed my instructions and swallowed it. 

Wait, something is up. I'll be back later. I keep hearing noises outside. If Victor is trying to play games with me, I'm going to be very irritated. 

Sorry for the interruptions,

Enjoy the wonderful details

~tA

P.S. Mystery, this post is dedicated to you. Have fun.

 

Tweezers & The Special Case

Well, students, you will be disappointed to learn that my employer has... misplaced... our subject of interest The Shady Lady. A shame, I really was having fun with her. She has a delightfully sour personality.

Anyhow, the Shady Lady is gone. I don't have the details to her escape, but somehow she managed to fight her way out of the Executor's little party while he was away, and flee into the woods. Seriously? What kind of an idiot flees into the woods? Oh that's right, the majority of characters casted in horror movies. Honestly, how is that working out for you so far?

I'm particularly irritated by how little time she and I managed to spend together. I love playing with my toys but she was a "Special Case", and I wasn't allowed to break her beyond repair. To prevent straining her mind too greatly, the Executor established a scheduled cycle of shifts. Before and after my shift I would take a walk in Jersey, buy a coffee, head to a local pharmacy to restock supplies, etc. It was quite relaxing. Once, I even managed to push a young teenager into the street while I was walking. A car hit him. His bones certainly had an very unique way of breaking. Of course, I wasn't caught in the act. Only an amateur would be caught while preforming such a menial task.

Which reminds me, have you ever tried to remove your father's left eye with a pair of tweezers? It's quite difficult, especially if he is alive and kicking when you try it. If you'd like, I will tell you more about this story at a later time.

Oh, and my next post will include details about the project involving Shady, and all of the fun methods of play I explored while she was in my care.

That upcoming post is dedicated to you, Mystery. I truly implore you: Enjoy it.

~tA

Tangents & Other Writings

Now, my students, I suppose you are wondering a few things.

First of all, you are most likely still wondering who I am and how I became who I am. These two questions I will answer in due time, through a long and drawn out process, which most would deem unnecessary and almost painful. I did inform you that I am a sadist, correct?

Secondly, perhaps it it has crossed your mind: What is this man's goals? What is he working for? WHO is he working for? Well, if you don't recall correctly my main goal is to educate the populace. You twisted little creatures with your ideologies and thought processes... Oh how I'd love it if you were all more like me. You should try and set a personal goal for yourself so that by the end of the week I can see your gleaming face on the evening news followed by the headliner "A tragic massacre". Or, if you are too cowardly to risk the death penalty, perhaps you could take a more subtle approach and kidnap your neighbors or your distant relatives. Send me pictures, please! I'd like to admire the work of my students.

As for WHO I am working for, you already know the answer. Take a moment and think. What came to mind? I'd like to know. Did it scare you? If so, you may be on the right track to discovering who my employer is.

I won't ask for your forgiveness if my writings seem filled with tangents. Someone once told me I had the attention span of a toddler who suffers from extreme A.D.H.D and has just devoured a candy store. I cut out his tongue, coated it in chocolate and fed it to his mother. Then, I donated the rest of him to a friend of mine who is researching cannibalism, and the effects of rabid hunger on depraved children. He sent me a recording, it was truly fascinating work.

To summarize the point of that story: Conserve resources. One victim's body can provide countless hours of entertainment. Now, I have a delightful home video of children devouring the man's limp, lifeless body. Oh, and the man was my despicable brother-in-law. Did I forget to inform you of that earlier? My bad.

Anyways.

My next post will be concerning the Shady Lady. I will be providing details on how I have been working with her  for the past few days to make some... conclusions...

Till then,
~tA

Recollections In Jersey

Today, I had an epiphany while walking in Jersey. I passed a locally-owned children's toy store, and upon viewing the porcelain dolls and deformed dinosaurs I felt the disgusting taste of nostalgia climbing my throat. You see, my parents never bought me toys when I was a child. Actually, they did for a short while until they realized anything they purchased would soon be... well, to summarize it, I enjoyed making adjustments to the original design. I had a fancy for removing limbs, eyes, hair and once I even managed to bake my younger sister's favorite Barbie in the oven at 400 degrees to test if it was volatile concerning extreme temperatures. I fed the disfigured remains of the melted test subject to the family dog, while allowing my sister the pleasure of watching from across the room.
     As much as I despise my family I must admit that I am fond of these childhood memories. At a young age, I was fascinated by blood, teardrops, sowing needles, internal organs, dissection, the effects of blunt force trauma, chemical poisons and toxins, and the human body in general. I found pleasure in studying pain, and how pain is caused. I pursued these things into adulthood.
     This was the first step along the path of enlightenment: realizing that organisms are made to be disassembled. Now, examining the clock, I realize there is still business to be dealt with. Look at me, sitting at a laptop writing while there is a task to be done.

I have a date with a beautiful young Lady.
Till next time,
-tA

Introduction

Today, I will be introducing humankind to a new friend. Perspective. 

However, I will provide a tinge of enlightenment beforehand.

The topics I will discuss here, held deep within the bowels of the internet, will promote the evolution of the human psyche. The process will be hell, however. Before I can expand the horizons of your mind I must break it, twist it, fold it, purge it, reforge it, and piece it back together afterwards.The majority of your friends and family will not survive the process. The philosophical and theological poison you have been forced to swallow has softened society; you and the other idiots have been bred into ignorance. You are frail-bodied and weak-minded. It is disgusting. 

On another note: If you can't handle the introduction to reality, please submit a comment. I would enjoy tutoring you personally on a regular basis. 

I support learning on the job, and so that I may set a good example for my students, I will be posting important events and experiences that occur in my daily life. If I happen to dissect any young adults or teenagers, I will post a detailed description of the process on this blog.

You might be wondering:

Who is the author of this blog, and what is he trying to "teach us"? Well, to be frank, it recently occurred to me that most people have never indulged in the blissful experiences related to outlets such as sadism and torture. I'd like to open doors and inspire my followers, as well as share the satisfaction I receive when I drive a subject to madness. 

That answers the "what?" but not the "who?".

Perhaps I should introduce myself? You may call me the Advocate. I consider myself a psychologist, a doctor, an inventor, a scientist, a politician, and an employee for those who (metaphorically) pay my bills. In reality, I do not get payed for what I do. A pity. On the other hand, I am a bit of a celebrity.

I travel abroad, and currently I am visiting the United States on a (metaphorical) business trip. A vast amount of people know about my work. In a few weeks, I will be renowned in New Jersey.

If you have any questions about who I am or what I do specifically, feel free to ask. Of course, you'd have to be an idiot to not understand what I do for a hobby. If you are an idiot, you have most likely missed the point of this first post. 

On a final note: I will be dulling a pair of scissors later today for an upcoming project.. I am quite bored as of late. I will post more information about myself, what I do, what I will teach you, etc. very soon.

~tA